The “Witching Hour”
The more I work with babies, the more I see how so much of their behavior and idiosyncrasies are biologically driven. They are really quite primitive little people at birth and for the first few months. Understanding why this is and how it affects their behavior makes parenting those first weeks with a newborn make so much more sense. Although some of this behavior can be challenging, overwhelming, and exhausting, knowing that it is normal and why it happens makes it much easier to deal with.
This is particularly true of what has been come to be known as “the witching hour” (which in reality for most babies is more than an hour; often as much as 3 or 4 hours in the beginning). This is the time of day- typically in the evening for most babies, where they are just plain crabby. Sometimes, even inconsolable. Unfortunately, it also coincides with the time of day where toddlers are overtired and crabby too, and mom and dad aren’t at their best either! For some babies, it falls around dinnertime. For others, it’s a bit later…my kids were all like that from 8:00pm to midnight (I could practically set a clock by them). For some unfortunate parents, the witching hours fall in the middle of the night for their babies. It’s particularly hard to deal with a fussy baby who won’t sleep from 2:00am until the sun comes up! So why does this happen?
When babies are born, their brains are one quarter of the adult size. Humans have evolved to be born with small brains when we began to walk upright and the pelvis narrowed with this stature. In order for a baby to fit out of the birth canal and through the narrow pelvic inlet, they have to have smaller brains or they wouldn’t be able to get out! In the first year of life, their brains will grow to 2/3 the adult size- a HUGE amount of brain growth in such a short span of time! That’s why their fontanelles stay open for over a year- so they have room in their heads for their brains to grow. What this means is that your baby is very neurologically immature in the first months of their lives.
In the womb, it was dark, quiet, warm, and your baby rocked gently in your pelvis with your movement. At birth, they come into a world where the light has to be blinding (ever walk into a brightly lit room after being in the dark?!), the sound is deafening, there is touch on their body that they’ve never experienced before, and it is about 30 degrees colder than it was inside. Suddenly, they are thrust from a warm, dark, safe place where all their needs were met, onto a very strange planet. Now they must breathe, circulate, warm themselves, learn how to feed and process all the stimulation that the world barrages them with. It is sensory overload.
Because it takes time for their brains to mature, for the first few months of their lives this sensory overload is difficult for them to cope with. At the end of the day after being bombarded with all the stimulation of their world, they are like a raw nerve. And they don’t know how to settle themselves. They need our help.So how can you help your baby get through the witching hour and maintain your own sanity at the same time?
Breastfeeding moms have the magic boob- don’t be afraid to use it. Obviously, your baby can’t eat for 3-4 hours straight or they would explode! But letting your baby “live” on your breast while nursing on and off can avert the whole fussy period entirely. It makes no sense to walk the floor with a screaming baby when you can snuggle on the couch with your partner, watch a good movie, and keep your baby close to you. Trying repeatedly to put them down because “it’s bedtime” can start the whole process all over again. It can be frustrating and overwhelming to have a barnacle baby, especially when you’re tired and would like a little time to yourself at the end of the day. But if you can look at it as a way that you are helping your very immature little baby cope with what's hard for them, it can actually feel like a blessing that you have this miraculous way to keep them calm.
Bouncing on an exercise ball is a great baby soother, and something partners can do when mom needs a break from the breast. Bounce gently, or with gusto…your baby will let you know which they prefer!
Take a bath with your baby. Very young babies are often not enthralled with baths in general, especially in a baby bathtub where they are not totally immersed. But getting in the tub with them, with all that lovely skin to skin, warm water and perhaps a little nursing can really help calm them. Play some music and light a candle and it can feel like a wonderful way for mom to relax too! Partners can also bathe with baby if mom needs a break. (just warn them of the poop hazard so they won’t freak out if it happens!)
Walk outside with your baby. (even in cold weather!) You don’t have to walk the neighborhood, just up and down the driveway a few times. There’s something about going outside and the change in atmosphere that can make a fussy baby settle down. I have known parents who have gotten so desperate that they put the baby in the car to go for a ride at 3:00am, but I don’t recommend it as driving while exhausted is not safe and it’s not a great habit to start.
Take turns with your partner when you need a break, but keep in mind that very young babies equate mom with survival, so often they won’t settle unless they’re on home base. Partners can help moms with this fussy period by doing the other stuff that mom can’t get to like getting the other kids’ things ready for daycare the next day, putting the older children to bed, doing the dinner dishes that are sitting in the sink and driving mom crazy, or folding the laundry that’s sitting in a pile on the couch. Sitting next to her on the couch and keeping her company helps too!
Expect this time of day to happen for the first weeks of your baby’s life. Plan ahead and prepare for it. If your baby’s witching hour falls at dinner time, do meal prep early in the day, use a crock pot or enlist the help of family and friends to provide meals. If your baby’s fussy time is in the middle of the night, go to bed early. Sitting up and watching a movie only to go to bed right when your baby is gearing up for the middle of the night antics makes no sense. If your baby’s fussy time is 8:00-midnight like my kids, take an afternoon nap. If you are exhausted and ready to go to sleep right when your baby is melting down, it is much harder to cope with. I have had so many moms tell me that they dread the night coming because they know how hard it can be. Knowing that it’s normal, preparing yourself for it as best you can, and coming up with tactics that help your baby through it make it much more manageable. And before you know it, the 3 hours becomes 2, than one, then completely disappears as your baby becomes better able to handle what the world has to offer. Someday, you will look back and miss those days of snuggling on the couch and smelling that sweet baby smell with that lovely little barnacle in a little ball on your chest!
