the risks of “crying it out”
If there’s anything that makes me cringe when a mom asks me about it, the topic of letting her baby “cry it out” is the most cringe-worthy. I get it…. I totally do. I remember being so sleep deprived, I didn’t feel like I could complete an intelligent sentence, and I worried that I might fall asleep while driving, I was so exhausted. I even threatened to throw one of my sons out the window if he didn’t go to sleep…(which I of course, didn’t really mean, but at that moment, I kind of did… Along those lines, if you need a good laugh on the subject, look up Samuel L Jackson’s rendition of “Go the F**k to Sleep” on You Tube) Being sleep deprived is known to be a form of torture, so exhausted parents desperate for a good night’s sleep are tempted to do anything to accomplish that. For more info on the physiology of infant sleep, go back and read my blog “Babies don’t Sleep!”
Often, the “cry it out” method is touted as the answer for getting your baby to sleep. It’s a process known as extinction, meaning that by systematically ignoring your baby’s cries for you at night, the baby will eventually stop crying and no longer need you. But is that what is really happening? Have you really “trained” your baby not to need you anymore? If they stop crying, does it mean your efforts to get them to sleep longer have been successful? Some people believe so…But the science tells us otherwise.
When a baby is left to cry, they release large amounts of the stress hormone, cortisol. This hormone has been proven to result to damage in the hippocampus, the part of the brain that is associated with memory and learning. Babies have developing brains (only 25% the adult size at birth, growing 3 times its size in the first year of life) which are particularly vulnerable to the effects of this stress. Interestingly, when cortisol is measured in the baby’s system who is left to cry it out, the same amount of cortisol is still present even after the baby has “given up” and is no longer crying. So even though it appears that the sleep training was successful, that baby is still bathing their brain in cortisol- clearly still stressed by the lack of response by their caregivers.
Exposure to extreme stress in infancy has been shown to effect the part of the brain that responds to stress, potentially causing a physiological change that is related to physical illnesses as well as psychological disorders such as depression and anxiety. Chronic stress in infancy and early childhood has been identified as a major contributor to adult health problems.
In addition to these physical responses, the baby’s trust in their caregiver is undermined. When parents are responsive to their baby’s cries, the baby learns to trust. They grow secure in knowing that someone is there when they need them. This ultimately results in a baby crying less. When baby’s needs are met, they develop a sense of trust in their world and their relationships. When a baby’s needs are ignored, they develop a sense of mistrust and their self-confidence is undermined. Many studies have been done on infants raised in orphanages where they are never picked up when they cry. In fact, you could go into a room with many babies in it and not hear one single cry. Why is that? Sadly, they have learned that no one responds to their cries, so why bother? Often, these children, even when adopted into loving homes with well-meaning, responsive parents, end up with serious behavioral problems and anti-social issues. They never seem to be able to make up for the deficit of not being responded to as infants, and thus, their sense of trust and security is forever broken.
So Mamas and Daddies, listen to your heart when your baby cries. A baby’s cry is meant to be disturbing, so we are compelled to respond to them and calm their distress. You are not “spoiling” or causing bad habits. You are teaching a tiny, vulnerable, helpless little human learn that they can trust that their needs are met, that the arms of someone you love makes you feel safe and secure, and that someone listens when you need them. Isn’t that what we all want? Yes, letting a baby cry it out may eventually result in them no longer crying for you…but at what cost?
